Part 2: The Most Loving Thing
Deep down we all need and crave close connections to feel a sense of security and belonging in the world.
Most of us would agree that our relationships are the most important thing throughout our lifetime. Unconditional love can’t rely on living by default. To move forward, intentional actions and making the decision to contribute to the strength of love in a relationship are highly important. That’s why it’s important to ask, “What’s the most important thing I can do at this point?”
Most loving thing #1: Deal with me when I’m peeved
When your buttons get pushed by “whoever”...a stranger, your spouse, a friend, or a work situation, the most loving thing we can do is get to a place where you can be alone for a few minutes, and give yourself some time to “get to the bottom of the situation”. There may have been an injustice or an offense, something that never should have happened, but no matter what it is, slowing down and talking to God about it is the best way to move forward. After recognizing the real fear behind the offense, and experiencing love from God, you can have an entirely different point of view, and potentially bypass days of carrying an offense.
Most loving thing #2: Be present
Putting your phone down and focusing fully on the person in front of you is becoming a lost art! Your texts and emails will be there later, but the person in front of you won’t. It’s easy to deprioritize the little things that keep relationships strong when you’re worried about work, schedules, and things to do. Obsessing about entertainment, sports, and social media can sneak up and rob more of our time than we’d care to measure!
Most loving thing #3: Listen deeply
Listening with warmth, understanding, kindness, and consideration is one of the most loving things you can do ALWAYS. Instead of waiting for the other person to get good at this, start getting good at it yourself! Instead of plotting what you’re going to say next, or stacking up advice in your head, listen completely, with the primary goals of understanding and being there. Listening goes a long way and is often the most loving thing you can do. Try listening and then offering this next comment: “Tell me more…”
Most loving thing #4: Accept fully
Imagine this intention: “I will see your quirks and edges and shortcomings and peccadillos and will accept them all as crucial parts of the complete package that are you.” When you accept the people around you with radical mercy, you are practicing one of the biggest lessons in unconditional love. The most challenging part of 100% acceptance without approval, is keeping a soft heart. Don’t get hardened, and don’t get indifferent, just keep loving. When you love, you don’t lose.
Most loving thing #5: Forgive often
I will take every perceived slight or offense and put it through my mental shredder before I go to sleep each night. And if I can’t let it go, perhaps because it’s too big to simply discard, I’ll tell you how I feel and what I need so we can work through it together. Living a life of “letting people off the hook” is a marvelous, wondrous way to live. It’s genius-level relationship status, and it starts by forgiving yourself first.
Most loving thing #6: Appreciate vocally
I will let you know that I admire how you always stick up for the little guy and love how you make everyone laugh. I will compliment you on your passions, your parenting, and how you exude peace because you’re awesome and you should know it. Using words to appreciate is the most loving thing you can do. Thanking, being polite, and playing nice…. are all the ingredients to a loving relationship.
Most loving thing #7: Remember
Occasions are a great time to remember, but beyond that, one of the most loving things to do is to remember the good times with the ones you love. Offer love, support, understanding, and well wishes, yet, of course, keep the good times alive! Focus on all the things they have done right! (instead of wrong) Focus on all the best ideas they’ve had! You get the picture…remember the good stuff.
Most loving thing #8: Remain unbiased
I want to be proactive, not just reactive. I want to wake up every day and be the good that happens to someone else instead of just playing defense to prevent bad from happening to me. I will put aside everything I think I know about you based on who you appear to be and will be open-minded when you tell me or show me what you believe and what you stand for.
Most loving thing #9: Love anyway
Even if you’re stubborn or moody or judgmental, I will love you anyway. And when I’m stubborn, moody, and judgmental I’ll try to do the same for myself. I’ll try to rise above petty thoughts and sweeping generalizations and keep sight of who you and I really are.
Because we all stress and strain and struggle sometimes. We all get fed up, ticked off, and let down, and at times we all lash out. In these moments when we feel lost and down on ourselves, it helps to see ourselves through the eyes of someone who believes in us. And it helps to remember we’re not alone, and that someone else really cares.
In Conclusion:
Life is all about people. And all people need love. For years the motto that we have implemented when it’s time to make a decision, or when we’re stuck in circumstances is simply this question: “What is the most loving thing I can do for everyone involved?” When you do this, you are someone who’ll stand by others at their worst and inspire them to be their best. What a rewarding way to make life work!
Hear more about this on Episode 157 of the “All About Relationships” podcast with Bob and Audrey.